Celebrity dreams I have had in the last week

Ok, lets stop thinking about my lack of fertility and concentrate on my boobs. Caitlin inspired me with her boob post, so here is mine. This is Spring Break ‘91. The t-shirt giver outers at a club called the Collesium thought it would be hi-larious to give me an extra small t-shirt. me. extra small.
behold, in the privacy of our hotel room

I figured a recent photo of something similar would not be appropriate.

Not pregnant again. Disappointed. Will go console self in food and the Osbornes.

Since you American bastards have tomorrow off, I just emailed my boss and took it off as well. Yes, it is true I had last monday off, but the weather was crap. I need good weather to finish the gardening extravaganza of 2003. They should seriously have my photo up in greenhouses around the city so they know not to sell to me anymore. I have a nice photo of the big piece of meat I ate on Friday as well. I will get those to your greedy eyes ASAP. I know you are excited. RED MEAT. MAD COW. I am warning the vegetarians now. I am a non-ecologicaly friendly meat eating motherfucker. Watch out. *hangs head in shame*
p.s. what are you guys memorializing?

All this talk about mad cow is making me crave beef. Mark and I are going for prime rib tonight. Does that make us weird?

In lieu of telling you about my afternoon at the greenhouse, I am pasting up an email I recently wrote to Shonda’s sister. This is generally why I am having trouble sleeping.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. In the last several years she has lost touch with most of her old friends in Edmonton and I feel very alone in my grief except with you and your mom. I have heard from people here saying how sad they are, how they have been looking at photos, etc. And I think, you left her, you left her when she needed you. At the same time I understand, it was difficult to be her friend for the last little while. But they have all these memories of the fun loving, singing, beautiful and often full of joy Shonda. So many of my recent memories are different. The day before she died she was so spacey and I was short and abrupt and mad at her for being selfish when our friend’s mom had just died. I didn’t know how else to be with her anymore. She couldn’t remember where she hung her coat at the funeral. It aggravated me. I also feel guilt for more or less abandoning her in recent months. I mean we would still talk, but in so many ways I had lost hope. It was hard to see any light at the end of any tunnel. I couldn’t see a path that she might take to make herself well.
The first couple of weeks I was just numb. I think it was protective. It has really been in the last 3 days that I am feeling the loss of her so intently. I wonder silly things like where she is. I believe in heaven, and I know she is there. I think of her watching over us all and listening and talking to us. Sometimes I worry she is cold and I remember the hot baths she took so often when she was cold. Initially, I don’t think I felt much guilt or responsibility, but now I keep thinking of all the things I should have said or could have done. Took more of an aggressive approach to helping her.
Yes, life does go one. Petty work crap. Silly concerns. Sometimes I just want to shout to people that they don’t have it that bad, look at my poor dear Shonda. Gone, taken from us. I want her back. I am afraid to forget, to become too normal, for things to go back to the way they were. I feel like I would be dishonouring her, but I don’t know what else to do.
I think of the picture of her in the obituary looking so pretty and happy. It was so very long ago that she was that way. I want her back dammit. I feel angry that she is gone. Mad at no one. Mad at her sometimes. Mad at the invisible expectations that I act like the same old Jen at work, with Mark, with my family. This horrible thing has happened. This horrible, horrible loss.

Since I have been so slack. Here is photo album round up number 8. 1997-ish to early 2000-ish.
HERE

since meredith is blogless for a while, she has given me permission to relay the following humourous anecdote between her and her boss
boss: who eats canadian meat anyway?!?
meredith: i do, i looooooove hockey players!!

Less Barry White today. I had a nap and then spent about 4 hours digging in the garden and I think I might have shook the phlegm right out while digging up dandelions and quackgrass. I still have that gooey feeling in my throat, but I am sure it will pass. The worst part is not being all geezed up on drugs. Because. You never know, I may be pregnant. (immediate crossing of fingers and such)
Mark is snoring away and I will be off to bed soon. Of course my nap rendered me sleepless, so I stayed up a little late playing freakin Bejeweled. That game is like crack man. Better not follow the link. I actually wish I could take the whole week off and putter in the yard. Sleep in a bit, make breakfast, lounge, then dig. Ah well. Back to the salt mines tomorrow/today. See you there.
Oh! and I watched the Martha Stewart movie tonight, which was kinda’ yawn inducing. Not as bad as the Three’s Company movie though.