Seriously, I am back on stupid medication. I guess I can’t blame stress, I mean, how stressed could I be?
I did just get back from Walmart (where formula for the baby is the cheapest), and the local Gigantic Supermarket. Both which irritate the fuck out of me, but both have decent reasons for my visit. Walmart has the aforementioned formula, and the GS has a few good things. They have the lowest price on Mark’s favourite granola bars, an excellent store brand ice cream, and some generally insane deals on regular things like Cheerios, baby stuff, etc.
Now, if you have been to Walmart, you know why that place bites. Crowds of people browsing polyester and cheap formula. It smells of vinyl, barf, and candy. Lineups everywhere and no one moves fucking fast enough. MOVE IT PEOPLE OF WALMART, don’t you have anywhere else to go? I am in and out like a virgin with a call girl. And dude! it is an unwritten rule that you CANNOT save a spot in line only to have your wife and child join you later with an ASSLOAD of crap in a buggy! AND THEN, I cannot get out of line. Bastard.
My local gigantic grocery store is similar in that it is nearly always busy, but it is cleaner and there is a more diverse group of people. There are entire families loitering in the aisles pondering pasta shapes and picking through the corn on the cob. You bag your own groceries to presumable pay for all the great deals you are getting. Some people see their neighbours and friends there! Some people stop bagging their groceries midway through to have a lengthy conversation that I don’t understand while we wait and stare at your inconsideration! The cashier says nothing and my whisper of; “hey buddy” does nothing. Finally, after visions of Walmart dancing in my head, the fact I HATE bagging my own groceries, and knowing that I still have to go home, unload and then pump breast milk for an hour, I snap. I say; “pardon me sir, you are holding up the line”. He complains that the bags are sticking together and he cannot get them apart to put his groceries in. Oh THE DIFFICULTY! It is amazing that thousands of people make it out alive with their foodstuffs everyday what with the sticky bags and awkward products! I ate ice cream when I got home. I feel somewhat better, but I still have to pump. Which reminds me, my right boob was leaking the whole time I was out tonight. So I was angry and attractive.
* * * *
Miscellaneous points

We gave Charlotte cereal for breakfast for the first time on Sunday, she loved it. I was hoping for the same today, but TODAY was touch and feel the cereal day, and OH look at the spoon day, and WOW I have cereal on my hand and my head is itchy day. I plan on making my own baby food for the most part, people can feel free to advise me on the process.

Look at us branding our child! Seriously though, so cute. I will justify the cuteness by claiming hand-me-down.
p.s. to prove how lazy i am, that photo of me below is 2 years old. i couldn’t even get an updated lazy lookin’ pic.

I think part of the reason that I have trouble getting to sleep most nights of my life is that I feel chronically underaccomplished by the time my head hits the pillow. I realized this a few minutes ago while lying in bed. Tonight I have a bit of a better excuse though. I had a hugeass nap this afternoon. Sometimes I doze when Charlotte sleeps, but never for very long. I figure this messes me up even more at night. Bigger reason yet is that I feel like a sloth. Today, Charlotte went down at about 12:30 pm for an afternoon nap and didn’t get up until 4:30pm. I would have been worried about the long sleep had I not been ASLEEP MYSELF! For the whole time. She probably slept so long because she had her 6month immunizations yesterday. I slept so long because I was tired. As an aside I had a dream that I was living at home again and there was a flood and some catastrophic rocks falling from the sky and Breckin Myer was there acting like Gollum from LOTR and I couldn’t find Charlotte and Jason Biggs was sleeping in a bunk bed in my parent’s spare room and I was using my cousin Sherry’s TiVO to talk to Goran Visnjic via satellite about the flood. It was strange.
Anyhow. I felt tremendously guilty about the length of my nap as soon as I got up. Like panicky and stressed. I wasted hours of free time lollygagging on the spare room bed when I could have been doing a million things that I cannot do when I am taking care of the baby. I have some thank-you cards to send, dinner to make, dishes to do, I could have vacuumed the basement, uploaded some digital pictures to be printed, returned several phone calls and emails, ironed, dusted, weeded the horrifically overgrown garden, etc. No, I slept and dreamt about B celebrities.
In my family sleep is seen as very utilitarian. Not a pleasurable thing. Insomnia has plagued me since I was very young, so I often tried to recoup sleep on the weekends by sleeping in. My mom would say things like; “you will sleep enough when you are dead” and then vacuum under my bed at 10:00 am on Saturday mornings. I admit that I was often up late reading a book with a pillow jammed under my door so my parents couldn’t see that my light was on way after I was supposed to be asleep. They would wonder why I was dozing off in my organic granola the next morning. I was never late for school or work (at least not until I was in full 20’s gen-x slack mode).
I also felt pissed off at myself for the lengthy sleep today because I knew it would fuck me over even more than usual tonight. I don’t feel like reading, or watching TV, or other things normal people do when they can’t sleep. I could do something useful like the list I mentioned earlier, except maybe vacuum or make dinner (too late now, we had take-out). I guess I can’t really weed the garden either. You get my point though, I could do something.
I did end up editing and sending about 300+ photos to be printed tonight after Charlotte went to bed. I also returned a couple of calls. Where does the time go when I am not taking care of her? Maybe it is a bit of housewife syndrome. No one acknowledges that you do anything all day, and I fall into that trap myself. I mean I am home ALL DAY with the baby and I do nothing (but have a big slothy nap). Mark doesn’t make me feel that way, but I still do. I could strap on the Baby Björn and vacuum or something. Fuck, I am lazy. And fuck, I just spilled dry cat food into my filing cabinet.
I am not sleeping here, but this is me, being lazy

the HULK has a blog. link via boingboing
p.s. if you guessed i can’t sleep, you win a prize

Thanks so much for the nice comments re: the baby and breastfeeding. I also want to do a follow up post to my “mean girls” post. I have some more to say and I wanted to comment on some other people’s thoughtful comments.
Right now I am going to keep pumping milk for Charlotte until I try her on “solids” in a couple of weeks. I also was not breastfed being an adopted baby. If fact, it never really bothered me before, but my parents didn’t pick me up from social services until I was 6 weeks old. It means I was with a foster family for that time. I dunno, its kinda’ weird. It means for 6 weeks I was called Terra Anne, the name my bio-mom gave me. I know 6 weeks is but a speck in my life, but it is interesting to think about now that I have had my own baby.
Lip gloss was applied in that photo below right before the picture was taken. Totally intentionally. I am usually wearing spit up and not any lip products.
I was also bald until I was quite old. My mom will forever tell you about how I only had “TWO LITTLE STRANDS OF HAIR” until I was 6 or something. A bit of an exaggeration, but nonetheless, Charlotte inherits her baldness honestly.
I am going to bed, I have finished pumping for the night. For fun, I leave you with me the day my parents picked me up at the mall (where the social services outlet was). I love saying they picked me up at Centennial Mall though, more fun.

I will try and find a picture of me when I am older with my big bald head.
p.s. I really do love you guys. I realize I am a big gaybo, but I love the bloggy people.

I am hoping that this stream (i almost typed “scream”) of consciousness entry results into something. I have things in my head, but am struggling to make them cohesive in there, so I am going to try doing it on here. This might end up being point form, for me and other ADHD people. Oh, and I have some photos as well.
First, do we need more shows that scare the crap out of us? New on NBC this fall is LAX. I need a show about scary hijackings, shoe bombs, and Heather Locklear like I need, well, a show about an airport. There is also this Medical Investigation show. I guess it fills the big void in primetime programming for a show about anthrax, e-coli, and the plague.
I am still pumping breast milk two times a day for Charlotte. I know that breastfeeding is as controversial a topic as religion for some people, but alas. It takes me about an hour twice a day to give her two bottles of breast milk. She eats about 5-6 bottles a day, so she is getting some decent non-formula nutrition. But. I admit that is it getting to be a hassle for me. Especially at night when I am so tired and could be doing a million other things in the couple of hours I have between when she sleeps and when I got to “sleep”. Wow, that sounded so lame. The medication they give me to keep my milk supply up also gives me some gastrointestinal distress that I won’t describe in much detail, but it is “inconvenient”. She will be 6 months on the 28th and part of me thinks that is long enough, but part of me thinks that I haven’t been able to breastfeed her the whole time so I should keep doing it. *sigh* I suck. (ed. note, 11:46PM : I am also stil taking injectible insulin instead of the oral medication I would ordinarily take for my diabetes since I am still breastfeeding. I am essentially taking a huge dose of insulin to keep my sugars normal instead of taking pills. This makes me fat(er) and makes it more difficult to lose weight. Doesn’t help the feeling huge thing I have going on right now)
Charlotte now has two teeth and is -this- close to rolling over from her back to her tummy. Cuteness. And although the people at home can’t tell, she is getting more hair. My mom said today that she looked like she just had chemo. Nice.
We had a massive rainstorm on Sunday. I believe about 6 inches of rain (150 mm) as well as metric assload of hail. We were lucky to be high and dry in our house. Lots of people not so. Check this out:

Ok, I am getting sleeeepy now. I guess chronic insomnia will do that. Every night I hope though. Some more pics before I go. I know, I am totally whoring out baby pictures and calling it an entry. I have mother-with-an-infant brain now AND I have to go pump for an hour before bed. Cut me some slack.







In honour of Canada Day and my friend Michelle’s birthday, check out the maple leaf covered sparkly romper! Once Mrs. Dayment has a baby girl, I am giving it to her.

Hi! I know I

Since I am lazy. Expect a guest blogger soon. All the cool kids are doing it.

He’s so fine he blows my mind.

From last year

original entry
Happy Canada Day! eh
Mark has a four day long weekend, so we are enjoying our family time. Charlotte laughed for the first time yesterday and she cut her tooth this past Sunday. Weird coincidence. Her first laugh was magical I tell you. I hope all the North Americans have a lovely weekend celebrating imperialism nationalism!