my favrite toys right now are:

mashing the keys on mommy’s keyboard and somehow changing the font size in internet explorer to FRIGGIN HUGE
bye!

my arm is all shaky from muscle fatigue. i was in the garden all day fighting with the quack grass (spit!) and preparing the beds for some plantin’. i still have tons to do, but accomplished a lot today. more than yesterday, where i accomplished lying on the futon for several hours.
this past week i took care of my nieces wednesday, thursday and friday because their day home “mom” took her family to disney land. kudos to anyone who has three kids. or two kids. or one kid. it is hard work. but my nieces are 4 and a half and 8 and a half and don’t require the maintenance that charlotte does. the younger one was always asking me “what we were going to do next”, and i kept thinking she meant me. like what are you going to do next auntie jen, when will you be done staying home full time, THEN WHAT? i ignored the voices in my head for the most part. i think the lithium is making me a bit shaky as well, but i don’t notice anything else yet. my younger niece also told me that i have big boobies, but that’s because i am chubby. she says if i want smaller ones i could lose weight. then she squeezed my right boobie and made a honking noise.

for more

all i can think of these days for titles and such, are lines from children’s books that we read to charlotte. that sandra boynton, what a master. we read charlotte at least three books before a sleep. some days when i can tell she isn’t ready for napping, she gets 7 or 8. from me anyhow, i suspect mark is more vigilant about the 3 book rule. she loves the turn the pages and she recognizes certain parts. mark does great funny voices, i listen to him read to charlotte via the baby monitor. it is so lovely and sweet it makes me want to weep. mark does an excellent grover. he could make a living doing grover. well, if someone wasn’t already doing it.
i thought i was getting a cold this weekend, but i feel ok tonight. either i fought it off, or it is actually horrible spring allergies. it is the snow mold that does me in. i am all snoggy and my throat is gooey and sore. it was a lovely weekend and i should have been doing yard work instead of slothing on the couch, doing laundry, and then more slothing.
i am on day three of the lithium. it will probably take weeks to notice anything. so far i just hum a lot of nirvana.
i also watched tupac resurrection. you know, to connect with my roots. it was fascinating, i knew nothing about him. i always knew that puffy was bad news.
a few new pics on flickr for ya. oh! and i had to wear hose to the party. it was COLD!

if rob and amber win the Amazing Race i will be really mad. silly reality television. making me all agitated!
mark and i and charlotte went to the mall tonight to buy mark a new shirt. his company is having a big party on thursday so we want to look purty. afterwards we took charlotte through a car wash which may have scarred her for life. poor little puddin’. she is skittish about loud and or mechanical things, like the vacuum, hair dryer, boobah doll, and mark’s paper shredder is the worst. i don’t know what to wear to mark’s work party. april is a weird time of year. it isn’t really warm enough for a summer dress, but it is spring, so i can’t really drag out the festive wear. hmm. luckily i am a compulsive shopper so i have an assload of stuff to pick from.
i haven’t started the lithium yet. the doc wanted me to start seeing her weekly once i started it and i couldn’t get in to see her until next week. that’s my excuse for the delay. i am still just a little afeared of the stuff. i have taken a multitude of other medications since being crazy – many different antidepressants and sedatives and sleeping pills and such to find things that work. i guess this shouldn’t be any different. i feel ok right now, which is probably another reason i haven’t started it. also, i am already on so much crap between the diabetes and the anxiety and whatnot. sometimes i feel like a big insulin ridden cauldron of chemical soup. too much time to think.
going to the gym helps with everything. i really need to kick myself in the ass to go. i should be going every morning (except wednesdays when i have a standing playdate). when i don’t go out in the morning before charlotte’s nap i feel really isolated and kinda’ lonely in the afternoons when she naps. i mean i like the baby break. i can shower and eat my lunch and read your blogs, but i start counting the minutes until mark gets home by about 5 pm. he gets home about 5:43 usually. not that i watch the clock or anything.
mark is putting the char to bed right now. she had a couple of bonks today on different pieces of furniture, not to mention the CAR WASH, so she is ready for sleep. i am going to sloth on the couch for a while until i go up to bed and read.
so, what’s the verdict? do i need to wear pantyhose with my dress on thursday night or not? remember, i live in the tundra….

because when i divulged the name of my blog (as well as its existence) to my psychiatrist, she paused mid note taking and asked me seriously: “you don’t have a drinking problem do you?”

i am alright. i saw the psychiatrist today for the first time since my march 9 meltdown. we are going to try lithium. i feel less worried about it after reading the information found in the previous linkage. my biggest concern is the possible weight gain. silly perhaps. but combined with the insulin i am taking (and insulin resistance), i am just worried about going down the road to huge fatness. it is just scary for me.
in a similar vein, i joined the gym. a gym with a daycare. i did it about a month ago, but hadn’t told y’all yet. it is a big step for me. i don’t like to start things or join things because i rarely follow through (see ADD diagnosis), but the insulin taking suitably freaked me out enough to start seriously exercising more. i also renewed my library card. 2 small, yet big things for me.
i swear a tell all of vegas is coming soon. wait, that makes it sound more exciting than it probably will be. i don’t want to raise any expectations. i did keep a few notes while there. because i am a huge blogging gaybo.
and p.s. to the producers of alias: there would be snow in siberia this time of year. there is still a wee bit of snow HERE right now.

watching the entire mork n mindy behind the camera movie
oh, and owning a pair of rainbow suspenders in 1982

the pope dies and i become a flickr slut

she makes me so happy