cranky

yo’
and charlotte is channelling Leta Armstrong. i have to keep her away from the computer.

perhaps it was toddler grooming day. i suspect not, by the smell of charlotte’s butt. click on the pic for more messy goodness.

mark tried to get me to bed early tonight. and not for any romantic rendezvous, but because i work at the daycare tomorrow and it is a tiring day to watch charlotte and other people’s kids. last week i separated charlotte from a chokehold while holding twin babies. i temporarily grew another limb. so i was in bed before midnight. technically. i took my giganto handful of pills and gave mark some snuggles and i am hoping he is sawin’ logs as i type.
mark has had a difficult week at work and i had a difficult week at home. truthfully, mark’s week seemed worse and made me not miss “working”. but mark was upset and i was angry at some dinglechips for making mark upset. really angry. jaw clenching, fist making, angry. some people are fuckwads. i am already prone to (t.m.i. ahead) diarrhea, with the IBS, but mark get nervous tummy too, so we were both a lovely gastro intestinal pair the last several days.
other difficulties revolve around the child we created loving with our loins. or a syringe. no one knows for certain. she had a cold, which made her cranky and through off her sleep, but we figured that was done. but for what seems like a long time now, she had been fighting us. DON’T CHANGE MY DIAPER IT IS THE WORDS PUNISHMENT IN ALL THE LAND. oh no! DON’T PUT MY PANTS ON NOW! THE HORROR! there are all the little power struggles now that she in more of an independant woman. she can climb up and down those stairs now. she can make a run for it and before you know it the is halfway up the hardwood NO GRIP stairs holding a shape sorter toy in my hand and a box of Oaty Bites (hippie shreddies) in the other. hell hath no fury like a baby removed from a dangerous, yet fun for her situation. mom and dad also deny balancing backwards on tiny plastic baby desk chair, marauding on the deadly sharp slate fireplace mantle while juggling knives (optional). more rules include not being able to drink the cascade liquid dishwasher machine soap or taste how lovely and perhaps minty the new comet is. she is further DENIED walking around the house with a bowl of yogurt, grapes, red wine, chocolate pudding. and the fury is often focused on the restrictions of computer usage after busting the control key on the laptop. she is not a gentle typist. while all these things described may seem funny, they wear a parent down. particularly me this week, since mark was busier with work fuckchops and such. how long with the constant non-verbal balance of wills go on? the screaming, the lying prostrate on the floor as if getting ready for her ordination, the sobbing, the yelling, the hate man. don’t hate the playa’. all of this business in one day makes me feel like 1) she hates me and, 2) how can i fix this?, 3) what have a done wrong?, 4) will it ever end?, 5) do i remember how to make a proper numbered list within a sentence?
charlotte’s sleep is another source of distress. she gets all mad now as soon as we get her into her room to change her. what’s not to like? clean pants, 3 or 4 nice books, a cuddle, a rock, a snuggle, some milk and then sleep? IS THAT NOT FUCKING NIRVANA sans kurt cobain? it sounds awesome to me. why the denial all of a sudden? i hate letting her cry and i really only have about a 5 minute threshold, then i start to shake a bit and if i was still breast feeding i swear i feel a let down reflex. my poor baby, why won’t you sleep? i am hoping she is out of sorts from her cold and possible back molar invasion on the left (her right). i have to say that i never wanted to talk too much about how difficult having a small baby was, with the waking and the feeding. charlotte was easy for the most part. once she got mobile, stubborn and able to convey displeasure, i didn’t know how fucked we were. i’m scared and sesame street is only an HOUR A DAY PEOPLE.
* * * *
plus i feel all taunted to go to BlogHer, but feel i am not cool enough and won’t know anyone and will have to mope in my hotel room along. i never used to be so meek. this would be an energizing thig for me. of course, we would have to figure out the money….. anyone else i know want to go and share a room? chair? ada? other canadian bloghers? on the other hand, can i keep up with all these serious real blogging women who does such a smash up job. dude, it is like being in grade 9 all over again. madonna bow and white dress included.

i am about ready for bed. i am kind of hoping that if i post more frequently something other than verbal diarrhea might come out. when i used to have a (fingers)full time job(/fingers) i could post more readily, but all this slacking housewife stuff keeps me from lollygagging as much by the computer.
charlotte and are i feeling much better today. we even went out and yanked some weeds/ate some mud. you have to guess who did which activity. still not up to par, i dozed some (honestly i often do) during this morning’s sesame street. i discovered at about 5 o’clock, after coming home from le docteur, that charlotte had taken a tin of diaper cream and sort of screwed it onto the smokestack of her fisher price train. lesson: even elmo’s world isn’t entrancing enough to dissuade my child from marauding about the house experimenting. although this happened in the same room i was in at the time. i should have taken a picture of the train with penetan scream all over its stack, but i cleaned it up. i mean i would have had to look for the camera, climb some stairs or something.
i had a great checkup today, my diabetes stuff is lookin’ good. without giving you actual blood test results. dr. wrath was impressed. more than impressed. “what HAVE you been doing??”. i told him my diet and exercise regime of tiny powdered donuts and semi-conscious PBS kids shows are the secret. TELL THE WORLD. Or it could be going to the gym and not eating fries everyday.

lookin’ fly in the 80’s….

ohmygod, is that a paula abdul quote? i am not even sure.
yes, it is late. but i have an excuse. our bedroom is hot. in the temperature sense not in the reconvening the procedure sense.
i am in the basement to sleep on the futon. in the coool coool basement. also, charlotte and i have colds, so i am all hacky and coughy, and snotty and such. while it doesn’t wake mark (not much can), i do not want to wake the baby since she has been “off” since being sick. on sunday, i closed the front door and it woke her up. aiiigh!
being sick always makes me feel like such a loser, a failure. i realize is it some virus we probably picked up at the daycare, but still. i hate having to take things to easy my sinus pain, or soothe my throat. so many pills for so many other damned weaknesses. why, yes, i am going for a check up tomorrow about my diabetes, why do you ask? i am good about taking my insulin, but not as vigilant about testing my blood. no excuses. well, my glucose metre was in the other room for a while, you know, the tv room, where we never go. anyhow, i am just bluesy mcbluey. staying at home for 3 days and feeling sick. i feel like the rest of the world is passing me by and i am not even able to see the cool kids, forget about being one. the good news is i am not interested in high bridges or long and windy roads into brick walls.
i am tired though, so i am going to hit the futon baby.
p.s. you can now say POKER in my comments. for a while at least. POKER POKER POKER!

a guest post, from the guy i sleep with, aka. the bacon bringer
I was sitting there, I had a comfortable chair, and that was all that I needed. Then the missus started poking me and saying “You should post something to my blog”. You’ve been getting a good video and verbal journal of the antics of the spawn, but I guess it has been a while since I filled you in on the life of bacon bringer.
Work can be frustrating. I explain comparative advantage (Economics 101) to my coworkers in an attempt to explain why senior employees undertake roles on a project that are potentially those that less desirable to them in an attempt to get projects done faster (since the desirable parts of our roles are easier to replace with ambitious junior workers). However, my supervisor retorts that this is irrelevant: if we’re not doing what we’re passionate about, productivity won’t happen. It feels like “Do What We Feel Like” day at the office. Gather round in a circle and big hug like Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Lala and Po. I guess this is why I need to work on my soft skills.
Speaking of soft skills; you can’t necessarily win at poker without a thorough grounding of reading the information available from your opponent’s reactions. The last few months have been dominated by some online gambling on my part (of course, if you are not allowed to gamble legally in your area, I’m not suggesting that you should . I wouldn’t want all of Utah or Arkansas getting all up in the face of jennui!) Thankfully, where we are located, we are both ideologically and geographically proximal to Montana (home of some of the strange anti-government militia groups that should all be nicely rounded up before the Patriot Act expires), and gambling is legal in this jurisdiction. There are a lot of bad players out there on Internet sites. I’m up one iPod and $100 from a couple of months of evening play on various sites, and most of this is through the judicious use (and, dare I say it, abuse) of bonuses offered by online casinos. The ultimate site for determining the juiciest bonuses is BonusWhores. Despite the name, the site has nothing to do with getting three women for the price of two . it’s somewhat disappointing for those who believe in URL clarity.
Of course, like most people, most of my play is Texas Hold’Em. If you look on Flickr, that’s the spawn with a free chip set that I won back in December from Poker Source Online. I recently hosted a game at our house where we decided some of the bizarre games they play at the World Series of Poker, such as Razz , Omaha Eight or Better and Two-To-Seven Lowball. I’m going to a $20 buy-in Hold’Em multitable tournament on Saturday to play against some friends . I won $180 the last time we played, so I think I’m the scalp that everyone wants this time! All good training for entering the 2009 WSOP (ed note: waaahhh?).
As we enter July, the month of obligations that add up to little mowing time (if I don’t mow, the yellow flower terrorists win!), I wish all fathers a Happy Father’s Day, and I hope your spouse and children aren’t the snot-generating machines mine are today! Get better soon, my pretties!
- the bacon bringer

the only thing cooler than blogging on a saturday night about beans, is blogging on a friday night about nothing.
i dare say this week i have been busy. i worked at the daycare 2 shifts, worked out only once (i will go tomorrow i promise), and had diarrhea for 3 of the days. hello too much information! *waves* oh, i have also been busy sticking my tongue into my sensitive tooth 8 hundred times a minute. just checking you know. the toothpaste for sensitive teeth is working. i am surprised and annoyed. annoyed because i do not understand the science behind it working. can anyone enlighten me?
and yes, its after 1am, after my plead for people to call and tell me to go to bed. i blame you, internet. no one has called. i did tell mark i would be up in a few minutes at about 12:15am while watching *drum roll* C.S.I. Classic. you know, it isn’t even a really good show, but it engages me enough to keep me on the couch for a while. then i was looking at pictures on flickr (i love you flickr) and perusing ebay for weird things like toothbrushes and dentures. weird things on ebay came up at work today, and i was curious. enough so, that there i went looking. i love/hate you ebay.
i do have a lovely forensic mystery to read upstairs (i am downstairs in the basement for those not keeping score). i will read a “real” book after this one. the mystery novel is like a sorbet in a zillion course meal – it cleanses the palate. i will then tackle jonathan strange and mrs. norrell, that the lovely Mrs. Kennedy sent me in a book exchange. i am scared of it because it is big and has a black cover and is in hardcover. in looking up the links for the books i as surprised that danielle steele is still alive. maybe she is like a russian president and someone else is writing them while she is propped up in her bed with puppet strings moving her around once in a while. because you know, i am so much cooler reading murrrrder mysteries than romance novels.
oh! i am also up late, because i have been busy composing a sonnet to tom and katie. how does one incorporate “vitamins”, “up your ass”, “come out of the closet already, its ok“, “your religion was made up as a gag by a science fiction writer”, and “sorry about your herpes and hammer toes” in perfect 14 line sonnet form. it’s a motherfucker let me tell you. i clearly do not know how to use commas properly, by the way.
more books things. who isn’t over the whole davinci code thing? a movie? ugh. i do want to see the sisterhood of the traveling pants movie, because it looks cute and sweet and sometimes you just need that. even though i was thrown of briefly because imdb.com didn’t like me spelling travelling properly. why is the little prince on the best seller list right now? hmmm bargain book maybe. i also want to be all pissed at oprah, for a variety of reasons, but at least she is asking her screaming throngs of fans to read something good right now. and OH OH OH, my psychiatrist has a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You on her shelf. it makes me laugh and speculate why she has it. did a client give it to her? i hope so. although she is single. maybe someone is just not that into her.

help a girl out:
1) call me at midnight and tell me to GO TO BED and quit watching the daily show or that C.S.I. rerun or whatever.
2) call me at 10 am on weekdays and tell me to TURN OFF sesame street and drag the baby and my ass to the gym.
xoxo
jen

random thought: coldplay = easy listening for tomorrow, today! they are like pat boone of the 2000s.
so, lentil, yentl? get it? only ada did so far as the comments went.
Pasta and Lentil Bake we called it lentil lasagne
1 cup brown lentils
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
2 cloves of garlic, smashed or chopped or what-have-you
1 medium onion, chopped
1 14 ounce can of tomatoes, drained and chopped (i buy the pre diced canned ones, because lo, i am lazy)
1 cup vegetable stock (i use a dissolvable cube of knorrs i think)
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 bay leaf
some basil to taste, fresh or dried
salt n’ peppa
8-10 ounces of lasagne noodles (i use a whole package usually, or nearly)
medium size tub (are those about 2 cups?) of ricotta or cottage cheese (whichever frosts your cake)
1/4 cup parmesan, shredded
1 cup mozzarella, shredded
1 egg
cook the lentils for 40 minutes. drain. heat oil in a saucepan, add garlic and onion, cook until soft. add lentils, tomatoes, stock, tomato paste, bay leaf, basil, salt n’ pepper. stir, simmer on low whilst you do the rest of the preparation. you could probably add other things to the sauce, i sometimes add peppers or mushrooms or zucchini and a little extra tomato paste.
cook pasta and drain. in a bowl, mix cottage or ricotta cheese, egg (beaten), salt n pepper, about half the parmesan and about 1/4 cup of the mozzarella (or use an assload of cheese, more cheese is good).
assemble lasagne: noodles, lentil sauce, cheese mixture, some mozza, noodles, etc etc. put some cheese on top and bake for about 20 minutes at 425F. it is tasty!
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i am not a vegetarian, but i grew up eating very little meat. my mom was crap at preparing it and my dad wanted us to be vegetarians (but he loves bacon and kielbasa). so this bean book was used a lot. i wish i could buy it for people, but it is out of print. i eat more meat now that i make it and i don’t cook beef until it is grey and dry like my mom did. i like it bloody and mooing. so enjoy the lentils! ha!
and you know, charlotte won’t eat meat really. i hear that is a common toddler thing. she loves her beans though.
also also. i have a great baked beans recipe from a different book. it has bacon it in though, and i am not sure it would be as tasty without it.

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i was going to post a wicked lentil lasagne recipe, but now it’s too late and im too tired. mark had poker night here, so i was with charlotte until bedtime and then the tv until MY bedtime. so, tired. lentils later.