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most recent
blogher.org/node/2562 Feb 18, 2006
Other posts:
blogher.org/blog/jenb
ummm. read them.
please.
jen

Or how I ruined valentines day for my entire family, by jen p.* tonic.
My mom had us all over for dinner this year. It was a Tuesday and we weren�t doing anything couple-y and romantic and I guess no one else was either. My brother, sister-in-law and nieces came, my aunty M and her two kids, and my uncle Tim and my cousin Geoffrey came. Tim is husband to lorraine, my aunt who passed away in November. I had spoken to him on the phone but had not seen him.
The evening started out congenial enough. I brought some kind of treat for everyone, a mix CD, chocolate, special soap, etc. There were also Kinder eggs for everyone which was a big hit. My mom made turkey pie and my favourite coleslaw and it was all yummy. Warmth, happiness, and dare I say love, were in the air. It was a nice way to celebrate a commercialized holiday.
The conversation steered towards another aunt and uncle who live out of town and have a young son with ADHD. They have tried conventional methods, medication, therapy, with limited results. Ultimately they did not want to keep him on the meds, for possibly ever. My Aunt had hear about a machine, some sort of magical healing machine that could fix ANYTHING. It cost 12 grand and was comprised (as far as I could tell) of vials of water relating to parts of the body and/or foods and other substances, a set of dials, and a smooth surface like a countertop. The idea being that if you had lets say an allergy to oregano, you would put some oregano in a vial, turn some knobs and then the person working the machine would rub their hands on the smooth surface. If it became difficult to move your hands and fingers on the surface, VOILA! Allergic to oregano, don�t every touch oregano, no more Italian for you! I am not sure exactly how this worked for my cousin with ADHD, but it was apparently �working�. He had after all grown 3-4 inches in the lasts 6 months or so. Shocking, since he is entering adolescence. My dad and Aunt M were all over this machine. How fabulous and amazing it was. My Aunt M even said that it worked for her OVER THE PHONE. Wow. Doctor�s burn your degrees, the magical machine is here.
I guess there is a similar magical machine here in town which Aunt M took her son too. He has had a cough for 6 months and the doctor doesn�t know why and can�t fix it. I do know this is true, they have an appointment with an allergist in March. Anyhow, this magical machine told my cousin to stay away from cantaloupe, corn, potatoes, strawberries and a host of other foods. I am not familiar with the mechanics of this machine, but it was invented by NASA! Used on Astronauts! The medical community shuns it because it would take away their livelihood!
Things started to get heated at this point. I was calling bullshit (when I should have left the room or just held my tongue) and my Aunt M was getting emotional. She started talking about how my Aunty Lorraine died for no reason and if she had looked to maybe one or both of this magical machines or some other alternative therapies, she would have recovered from her stage 4 cancer of the brain, breast, and lymph nodes. My uncle Tim, Lorraine�s husband was sitting next to her. Aunt M went on about how ALL medical professionals are in it for the money, the almighty dollar, ivory towers, golf vacation, etc etc. I asked her if she could honestly tell me that the people in the Cross Cancer Institute who cared for my dying Aunt were motivated by nothing but money. She said yes. I said that was crap. My Father joined in talking about he and my Mom getting Live Blood Analysis done, and look how it helped. Did he feel better I asked? He said �well, sort of, I am drinking more water, I have changed my diet, etc.�. He isn�t taking the thousand dollars worth of supplements that Mr. Live Blood Analysis gave him, but it worked! It is science my dad insists! He looks at blood using a high powered microscope, that�s science right? I say, �they sell microscopes at Toys R� Us, it doesn�t make all those kids scientists�. Eventually my head bursts, it is passed Charlotte�s bedtime and we have to go home. Yay! Go Jen! Pillar of sensitivity and tact! I quickly apologized to everyone, except the kids who were downstairs playing, and my brother who said �it sounds like fucking voodoo� and ran off.
I feel awful about upsetting everyone. I still feel like much of what was discussed is in fact voodoo, but that wasn�t the point. My Aunty M is really suffering from the loss of her sister and my dad is just wacky with his blood analysis, chakras, ion healing footbaths. I feel badly for not trying harder to end the discussion out of respect for my uncle who recently lost his wife. Essentially I am an asshole. I am right, I believe, about the science thing, but none the less, I am still asshole-ish. I did talk to my uncle last night and we was cool with everything, understood where I was coming from and was really sweet about everything. We talked about my Aunt a bit and cried. I still haven�t talked to my Aunt M, although I did leave a message. I told my dad I was sorry (he was insane {KIDDING!}), and begged forgiveness from my mom who made such a lovely dinner and nice environment for us, which I ruined. Truly, it was I who escalated it.
I am not sure when I totally snapped. It might have been the suggestion that the right supplements or magic machine would make me not need insulin. I dunno, it was all bad. How do I keep my mouth shut or redirect this conversation if it occurs again? This is similar to my toddler question below, but with adults. Feel free to share alternative therapy anecdotes or called me a closed minded moron for not being on board.
Seriously, thanks for the toddler advice. I feel way better about it. Some excellent tips. And to those who don�t have kids. You still were a kid and know kids. Feel free to join in. I don�t discriminate unless you are Oprah. She can just fuck off.
*stands for poopy

charlotte is all for magic machines
more on flickr

I was going go to bed, but since I am up and since there is a teeny bit of red wine leftover from Charlotte’s birthday, I will post. everyone is asleep in civilized parts of north america.
Charlotte and I went to visit the lovely Chair, her daughter Theya and her husband J. Well, the Chair family was nice and fabulous and welcoming, but my kid was awful. Pushing Theya down, tossing a small toy at her head, screaming MINE MINE, having a tantrum when she wasn’t allowed downstairs. Ok, seasoned parents are already nodding their collective heads and saying something about terrible twos or toddler RAGE or something. Well, yeah. I know, I read about it, I heard about it. What do I do? I am not sure she is old enough or understands enough to give her a time out. I remove her from the situation and explain how she did something she shouldn’t have. What is the technique here people?? Mark is convinced she files down her horns in the basement after she worships satan on her pentagram drawn on the laundry room floor with fun chalk. Ya think? Nothing is making her happy these days. No food, no toy, no person, no nap, no bath in chocolate pudding. They are all like this right? I have heard rumours of toddlers coalition of the DO IT BY MYSELF, and secret memos. Does it go further than this? What short circuits in these little beings around 18 months old that makes them so malcontent? If your child was an angel from 2-5, then suck it. The rest of you please help me. I know Alice got an excellent set of comments about picky eating (which is also a problem here at 666 jennui Rd.). I intend to go pillage advice from that post.

CUTE!

CUTER!

pondering something evil while holding a Tim Bit on Chair’s couch.
More on Flickr
p.s Grey’s Anatomy was awesome last night. I love TV and I don’t care who knows it!!!

i’m such a slack ass blog keeper. which reminds me of Ghostbusters where Sigourney Weaver is possessed by the Gate Keeper and keeps saying I AM THE GATE KEEPER and Rick Moranis gets possesses and says I AM THE KEY MASTER .ahem. anyhow.
Mark’s blood clot thingamajiggy is getting better, but slowly. he is still in pain and has to inject himself with heparin twice daily. between my insulin and his heparin we are like the little shop of needles. new toys for charlotte!
i have been meaning to tell you that i am writing some stuff for BlogHer on Canadian Blogs, but i have only posted one real post. i am embarrassed. but more is forthcoming. send me your recommendations for kick-ass Canadian blogs. sex blogs are ok, i know you were going to ask. i don’t just want to pimp the chicks i know. even though i will do that too of course. jennifer@jennui.com
tomorrow (well today I guess) is mark’s 29th birthday for the 7th time. wee! we are going out for dinner somewhere and someone will watch charlotte. i am a little late in organizing myself.
i also started seeing a new psychologist. not a new PSYCHIATRIST, i am still seeing the same 2 hour wait woman who gives me all the drugs. that may change soon, but i will keep you posted. i started seeing a Cognitive and Behavioural Therapist (CBT). i figured i have talked and talked and talked about my childhood, my miserable adolescence, my anxiety, depression, ADD, excessive hangnails, unruly eyebrows, etc. some things i believe can only be fixed or aided chemically through medication, but other shit, well, talking about it just ain’t helping right now. it is an interesting no nonsense “results oriented” approach to therapy that i think is a good thing for me right now. i get homework and everything. right now we are working through this workbook. it will be interestin’.
* * * *
Happy Birthday my loverly poop pants! I love you!!

p.s. ok, my naivete is showing – was that ad below really photoshopped?

thanks to Karen (ex University roommate and kickass friend), who has no blog, yet i still love dearly.
Thanks for being so classy Budweiser, and being such a good example for your countrymen.

I am generally anti-meme, or just lazy, but when the dooce asks, you do it. Plus I love Heather, LOVE HER. I think I have been asked before for this one (apologies to whomever�s request I ignored), but my answers are going to be so boring that you will all doze off. Here I am, your cure for insomnia.
Four jobs I have had
1. server/waitress at Fort Edmonton Park. Yes, I had to dress in historical garb, and yes some drunk guy called me Nelly one night, ALL night.
2. retail clothing sales from the age of 15-25.
3. University Student Advisor.
4. Web/marketing/communications coordinator person at same University.
Four movie I can watch over and over
This would depend on whatever TBS is showing while I am lying on the couch during charlotte�s naps on a Saturday or Sunday. I am not a film-o-phile. We don�t even buy movies on DVD because I usually only watch them once, maybe twice. I will try and dig up (from my brain), four movies I like.
1. The Colour Purple
2. Babe
3. Planes, Trains and Automobiles
4. Uncle Buck
Apparently I love John Candy. And John Hughes.
Four places I have lived
I have only lived in two cities. *yawn*
1. The house I grew up in which my parents still live in, in Edmonton, 9 blocks from my current domicile.
2. University of Windsor, Ontario, student residence
3. A house in Windsor with 3 other fabulous chicks.
4. an apartment just off of Whyte Avenue in Edmonton, from 1993 until 1999 when we bought our house. We got tired of people barfing outside our window and leaving beer bottles on the lawn.
Four TV shows I love
Ok, I love TV. I watch a lot of TV, too much. We have a DVR which I would marry if that was legal.
1. ER (yes, still)
2. Grey�s Anatomy (fucking love it!)
3. What Not to Wear (American version, sorry snobs)
4. Any and all of the Law and Order franchises
Four places I have vacationed
1. Veradero Beach, Cuba
2. Waikiki Beach, Hawaii
3. Daytona Beach, FL
4. Tofino, Vancouver Island, B.C.
Four of my favourite dishes
1. macaroni and cheese, in many forms and variations
2. shrimps n� cocktail sauce (not really a dish, but oh well)
3. my mom�s beef stroganoff
4. my chicken curry
Four sites I visit daily
Now that I have bloglines, I usually just wait until people update, but often I still go off the old favourites list. But I read everyone on my freakin� blog roll and more, so I am hesitant to name four. BUT I WILL BECAUSE IT IS THE RULES MAN. And i love flickr, it has to be said.
1. dooce
2. ninjapoodles
3. estella
4. styrokitty
Four places I would rather be right now
1. on the couch watching some TV (SEE!)
2. somewhere warmer, preferably tropical
3. in bed with mark (man, am I lazy!)
4. near a fireplace (perhaps even ours!) reading my cheesy mystery novel and drinking something. Maybe beer?
I don�t think I have earned the right to tag anyone, since I ignore everyone�s requests due to my laziness. I am trying to think who hasn�t done it��oooo I am pretty sure Mrs. Kennedy hasn�t done it, or Alice or Melissa or Amanda. But I have no expectations. I may send treats though. Or kisses.