i hope charlotte set this up by accident. it kinda’ creeps me out.

thanks for the excellent feedback on my shit post. who knew one of the most rewarding blog posts i have done so far would be about diarrhea. you guys are awesome.
also, i am sick. just a mild cold i think. a by-product of charlotte’s croup perhaps. mark has been snoggy for a week and i suppose it is my turn. all this illin’ means we have been in the house too much. tonight mark was well enough to take charlotte to play in the neighbourhood’s largest litter box/the playground. there was a small fit when it was time to come inside, but that means only 2.5 fits today. i was telling my psychiatrist about the tantrums yesterday and she said “she is oppositional…”. i told her that we aren’t ready for meds yet woman, she is a freakin’ toddler. she says she didn’t mean it clinically. ahhh. twitchy, medicated parent coming though. for anyone who remembers, i am still seeing dr-two-hour-wait, EXCEPT, she has managed to make it more like a 20 minute wait now. she has been working hard at changing the waiting room trauma. this was good yesterday because my ipod was out of power and i don’t like to look the other crazies in the eye. i don’t want to catch anything else. it is supposed to be 22C/72F here tomorrow. i would kill to be outside in the garden, but if i am all sickly like tonight, no chance. hmpf.
here is to you and your bowels, people of the internet! have a great weekend.

unlike what seems to be most of the feminine blog community, i do not suffer from constipation. i mean i did once, after i had the baby and it hurt and was awful and y’all have my sympathy. i suffer from, well, lets call it “reverse constipation”. it started when i was being treated at a psychiatric outpatient clinic when i was 19 and in university. i would often have to leave the group to find the bathroom in a jiffy. the therapists tried to pin my leaving on some sort of existential angst or cigar mother loving penis envy or whatnot, but their approach, in general bullshit, did not apply here. i think i started to get Irritable Bowel Syndrome when I was a teenager. it was a result of eating, not eating, intense anxiety, genetics, too much Dallas on Friday nights (i am old, it was the 80s), etc.
the kegs of beer in university did not help i am sure, nor did the coffee, diet coke, vomiting (see kegs), and poor diet. as a result i am now fecally prone. when i have to go i have to motherfucking go. (i was going to warn you about TMI, but that is so 2005). i know where all the clean bathrooms are in publics places. the one in the walmart near our place has a cleaner one at the back, near layaways, then at the front. you need the key at the safeway to get into their can and the cleanest toilets are generally in Starbucks or Chapters (our MEGA book mart). i really should write a pamphlet. despite my extensive public washroom knowledge and vigilance to going (and going and going) before we leave the house, sometimes the unthinkable happens. it is worse now with charlotte in tow because i can’t just throw her in the snow, or leave her in the garage, run into the house and relieve myself while weeping into my hands. it hurts, in case you missed it. i did feel a special bonding moment with Charlotte when I realized that at one point i had also used her diaper rash cream. yeah, i know, its funny and its not. i missed work a lot in 1999 because of testing and dehydration and mental colon. i have had a barium swallow test, barium enema, endoscopy (WAY worse than the colonoscopy in my opinion), and at least three different doctors looking way too closely at my ass.
ANYWAYS. sometimes, all things do not come together. sometimes i am not close enough to a washroom, or charlotte’s safety is more important and i have, ahem, soiled myself. not very many times. but enough times that i no longer sit in the corner of the bathroom and weep, begging for Immodium. i spent more than a hundred bucks at the hippy health and nutraceutical store more than a month ago in the hope of easing up what is becoming a bad bout. when i got home and read the fine print (only available if your purhase the bottles), 2 of the products said DON’T TAKE IF YOU HAVE DIARRHEA. sooo, err, I did not. i am going to do more research. maybe if i eat nothing but Wonder bread and cheese it will slow things down?
The point of this all was to let you in on my bowel habits and to tell you about Easter sunday. I guess my niece had recently not quite made it to the bathroom on their way to my mom’s house and was devastated and embarrassed and cried and cried. i thought it would be AWESOME to tell her that i have had a similar thing happen to be and look i am an adult! everybody poops! and sometimes, in their pants. instead of comforting her i think my niece was momentarily taken aback and scared. hopefully she will get over this as soon as she realizes that we are not genetically related because of me being adopted. poor little lamb.
easter photos all set up over at flickr (more to come perhaps).
and i accept all assvice (HA) about the IBS thing. seriously. i can’t take immodium forever. can i?
p.s. charlotte is mostly better, just a wee cough (and a bad attitude). the cold moist air thing is the best advice. the health link nurse told me the same. so the croup is gone, where did the violent, angry, stiff tantrums come from? mama don’t let your babies grow up to be toddlers…..

Easter, now with more cowbell.

char has the croup. any advice from some more seasoned parents? she sound like the neighbour’s puppy. ugh.

UPDATE: t-shirt available from verymom.com. she is awesome. and hot. go buy one. mine is an XXL and this style fits large, despite my um, being large.

ok, nothing very intimate lately. but i will tell you something about my boobs. they are heading south my friends. oy.
FYI, this t-shirt is an XXL from Zazzle. lets just say this particular style fits large. even for my tatas.
are friday AND monday holidays in the U.S? we are having ham at my mom’s on sunday. i am supposed to make dessert. any suggestions/recipes? like a big jesus on the cross cake or easter bunny flan or something equally festive?

horrible reality show (now that is redundant) from MTV that airs here around 1am. it is about up and coming models living in (”trendy”) south beach, florida. i was watching it a couple of weeks ago and one of the models is feeling all conflicted and angst ridden about the whorish life of a model and all the sex and drugs and such in her community. she was telling her mom about her discontent and explaining that tonight’s meeting of Models for Christ would help her state of mind. so the virgin girl goes to the meeting and the sign on the door reads: “Model’s for Christ”. i am hoping that next week she goes to a “Grammar for Models” meeting.
seriously, help me. why am i watching this shit?
some san fran photos are up

archives and templates and links etc. coming soon. what a major pain in the ass it is to change web hosts. comments are working and there are some new photos to flickr.
what have y’all been doing since i have been gone?

we have been looking at ants.

testing of said buckets

something is a foot at both the Circle-K and jennui. i am changing my domain host, so if i disappear for a day or so, don’t weep into your pillow. i will be back.

jennifer@jennui.com
p.s. apologies for all email, commenting and blog lurking absence. the holiday, my broken blog, and lack of time without a two year old yelling at me or asking me for something incomprehensible have rendered me a subpar member of the blog community.
p.p.s. we are now going to bath the spawn and hopefully watch some west wang.