PVR faux live blogging the Oscars. I watch this shit, so you don’t have to.
This will be kinda out of order since I am watching non-live. I taped the red carpet thingy that E! does so I can see all the outfits, which is by far my favourite part of this shindig. I am not even sure if I have seen any of the movies nominated. I never get out you see.
If you were watching E! (I feel like I am yelling every time I have to type that), you might have caught Ricky Gervais’ message to Kate Winslet (who I would go gay for) and he is so funny AND holding a kitty Kate’s dress is one of my favourites so far.
Also loving that pretentious faux Brit Gwyneth Paltrow’s dress. When I have to go the Oscars I will ask Zac Posen to make a fat girl dress for me.
Again, this year. Someone needs to do an intervention with Nicole Kidman and the botox. Her face does not move at all. She needs rehab, not her dude.
Reese looks hot Nice move ditching that Ryan Philippe, hot, but I suspect, slutty. Wow, she seriously looks fantastic. I have always wanted long blonde straight hair. Beautiful. She won me over with the June Cash performance.
Love Steve Carrel. Love HIM.
Jennifer Hudson, you had me and you lost me. WTF is with the jacket? It is like some kinda biker sheik meets brown lumpy sack.
Meryl Streep just admitting to being size 14. I LOVE YOU
Kirsten Dunst. Get a stylist or fire the one you have.
Rachel Weisz looks excellent. Recent baby rack lookin’ good.
I want to hump Penelope Cruz’ leg.
Oh god, Nicole even has big lip injections SHEESH What is the deal with the bow. I used to love her style, I still do. Nothing can beat that chartreuse number she showed up to with Tom Nutball at her first Oscars. Thoughts about the weird big bow?
Cameron Diaz is wearing my grade 9 graduation dress.
I can’t help but kinda’ like Seacrest.
Best animated feature still seems silly to me. I mean, there are only a few to pick from.
AS an aside, I watched Talladega Nights last night because Mrs. Kennedy more or less told me to. Very funny. I too, often feel like I am jacked up on Mountain Dew. Thanks 8 pounds 6 ounces Baby Jesus.
Who ever thought Eddie Murphy would be here, nominated?
I don’t think Leo is going to age well, but I think he seems like a lovely, earth loving dude.
Now I am watching some other red carpet thingy with Lisa Ling and some dude.
I am suspicious of a baby bump on Naomi Watts. Just call me the Enquirer.
More of Jennifer Hudson’s horrible leather metallic cape thing.
I am over Beyoncé , well, I was never under her I guess. I will also never see Dream Girls because I deeply hate musicals.
Jada Pinkett Smith always looks fabulous. Love the golden yellow.
Cameron Diaz’ ass does look fabulous in that dress. Her earrings are also lovely.
Cate Blanchett is fabulous. Always. She is gorgeous, unearthly almost. I can’t believe I just typed that.
There is Ryan Gosling, my underage, secret boyfriend from my homeland.
Okay, if Portia de Rossi asked me to go gay, I would not say no. Wow. The hotness.
Fast forwarding through the dudes, sorry, but tuxedos, tuxedos, tuxedos, blah blah blah.
I love Helen Mirren, she is the epitome of class. I bet she is a hoot in private. Maybe she wants to be my friend in real life. I should write her a letter.
OK, here is the actual show.
Peter O’Toole looks like a walking corpse. I think Clint Eastwood is also older than Jesus.
I want to smooch Forest Whitaker.
Opening montage very cute. I am a sentimental fool, seriously.
(Fast fowarding through applause to Ellen)
Giggling.
I think my dad had those same shoes until about 10 years ago.
Why is that oily fuck Jack Nicholson always in the front row?
OH YES I have seen Little Miss Sunshine. There ya go.
Jennifer took off that horrid cape, thank goodness. All is better now.
HAHA to Al Gore joke.
Cute, but fast forwarding choir bit.
Daniel Craig. Excuse me while I change my underwear. *swoon*
See Nicole can’t talk with her big lips
Thank the baby Jesus I can fast forward this stuff.
Maggie Gyllenhaal looks fly. Ahhh to live in Hollywood where your baby fat seems to melt away with the help of a trainer and The Zone deliveries.
Will Ferrell. Hee. Jack Back. Hee Hee. Ok, this comedian bit is fun-eee.
Makeup zzzzzzzzzz
Best Animated Short. I bet those guys make the BIG bucks.
Ok, Best Short Film guy, you rock. Seriously.
Have I mentioned lately how glad I am there are no more dance number choreographed by Debbie Allen on this thing? Therefore, skipping sound effect extravaganza. I am a philistine.
Sound editing. Blah blah blah.
Jessica Biel, where are your boobs? Your arms are amazing though.
Mark Walberg was arrested 25 times? Really?
Wow. Alan Arkin for best supporting, I didn’t see that coming. I was sort of hoping for Eddie Murphy. Awesome thank you speech though.
A DANCE NUMBER? ? KILL ME. Oh alright, impressive. Ish.
What did Randy Newman do before animated features?
Might be a bit of a gap here, Charlotte took over the computer just before she went to bed.
Now I am eating a little ice cream.
Oooo creepy Tom Cruise giving an award. Fast Forward……
I think Ellen is doing well, tee hee to the Clint bit.
I love Gwyneth’s dress, love it. She needs some boobage support though
Cinematography for what? Oooo Pan’s Labyrinth, I hear it is good/weird. The “you have gone too long” music is nice and gentle this year.
Mark is all irritated with the Visual Effects award. He is demanding it be presenting in the before the awards, awards show. I call nerd envy.
Best Foreign Film. Eyes. Starting. To. Glaze.
Clive Owen, also hot. Gee, wonder who is going to win this one. OK, I am wrong, I thought Pan’s Labyrinth would win. But no, here is a HUGE GERMAN!
George Clooney. What can I say, you can’t mess with a classic.
Best Supporting Actress. No shock here. Still without the capelette thank god. Fucking Beyoncé cut to.
Best Documentary short. How do we get to see these if we want to? HBO? Netflix?
Jerry Seinfeld still has it. An Inconvenient Truth, I wasn’t positive it would win. Haven’t seen it yet. I do fancy Al Gore though, he seems swell.
Fast forward through honourary Oscar AND Celine Dion. Bonus time gain!
Kirsten Dunst. Bad dress. Still.
Little Miss Sunshine wins best screenplay. I am happy, since it was the only movie I saw AND I liked it.
The Devil Wears Prada is nominated for best picture, which surprises me, since the book sucks donks.
Mark and I just realized that this show is going WAY over and we have missed taping the last bits. Fuck. We go to the live feed. Spoilers for us! Departed, Best Picture, Marty, Best Director – FINALLY.
The reason the freakin’show went over was because of the gd Dream Girls song medley. I curse the song category!
Melissa Etheridge wins! SNAP! Ok, now I love this category.
Another motherfucking montage of movies. NO wonder this show is SO LONG! Mark says: thumbs down.
Mark’s two pillars of the Oscars: 1) speech too long 2) speech too boring.
Helen Mirren? Derr. Really? Mark: Philip Seymour Hoffman must have a dollar for a comb.
Ok, between our taped footage and the rest of the live show, we missed seeing Forest Whitaker win Best Actor. But we knew he would win right?
Now, I am exhausted from all the mocking and irritation. So I am going to watch the Babwa Wawa special and go to bed.

Nora, The Piano Playing Cat!
Lame post, but really incredible. My cats are so lame.
The snow continues to fall. Spring is no where in sight. I check Travelocity daily for deals to somewhere better warmer. I have TWO pimples on my face. It is like the first time I went to a bar underage all over again. Charlotte is stubborn and cute and keeps getting into my makeup, despite barbed wired and wishful scolding. We have cabin fever, including the cats, but you don’t see them learning how to play a freakin’ instrument do you? I cut Charlotte’s bangs myself (again), but this time went badly. I can’t think of a good comparison, but they are way way too short. I am a horrible mother. It is so dry here, we are all itchy and thirsty. More of the same tomorrow, won’t you come and have a play date with me?

jen gin and tonic

I am totally ripping off myself here. I wrote the post below in 2003 and it is still how I feel about Valentine’s Day. Tomorrow night, my two good friends Michelle and Janet are coming over and we will exchange V-day treats. We have done this for several years. Mark is going to go play D&D. I feel like I have taken back this stupid greeting card holiday and made it what I want. For me, it is about friendship and love, wherever that exists. Now, in 2007, I have felt that affection and friendship for and from many of you in the internet community. This is my Valentine for you. You guys are way better than chocolate and flowers.

In praise of the heart
I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with Valentine’s Day. I have not been coupled for most of my life. I was single for a very long time. I wasn’t married until I was 27. When I was single Valentine’s Day became my day for focussing on the people I loved. I sent my parent’s cards, my girl friends, my brother. I baked cookies for people at work and flowers for my mom. I began to celebrate Valentine’s Day as a day to honour love and friendship and people I “heart”. I realize that Hallmark and chocolate makers and florists have the monopoly on the commerce side, but I have taken back the love in the day. Remember when you were in grade school and EVERYONE in your class got a little card, unless you were a cliquey popular bitch who snubbed the nerds? Anyhow, why can’t it still be like that? Why can’t we still choo choo choose you as a valentine without it being a romantic/horny overture? I love my friends and family and I will use this “holiday” as I see fit.
Suck on it cupid.
Posted by jenB on February 12, 2003

I embody three dwarves. I have photos. Maybe a post later. We celebrated Charlotte’s birthday this weekend, three weeks late. Between illness, and other things, we postponed twice.
Check out the flickry goodness.

I! LOVE! GRANDMA!

I had my doctor’s appointment today. He never even looked at my fabulously buffed and soft feet. He did tell me that my “sugars” aren’t great and neither is my weight. Rather than reading me talk about my weight issues, I direct you to Meg, who wrote something brilliant about our bodies ourselves recently. I fear if I talk about it today, or post about my day, it will come out only as “i hate my body and myself”, just repeated over and over again. Like in The Shining

all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

Thanks to Meg for saying what I needed to read today.

I did stay up all night on Saturday night. I did pull a Martha Stewart as someone suggested in the comments. I answered emails, did a load of laundry, bought Mark his birthday present (online), I called a THREE friends two time zones away, but only one was home. What the hell were you people doing at 8:30 AM on a Sunday morning? I also went to McDonalds for a mcmuffin, my favourite thing in the whole world and brought home Starbucks. I did crash about 10:30 AM and then again later in the afternoon for a couple of longer naps. I fell asleep normalish on Sunday night. I should have done some Valentines, but a person only has so much time in an all nighter.
It is almost 1 AM here and I should be moseying up to bed and dragging Mark away from buying dragon fur or some shit while he is playing World of Warcraft. I think we will actually have a belated Charlotte’s birthday party/Mark’s birthday/early Valentines thingy on Saturday with family and close friends. Pizza, salad and some liquor. OH! and a cake, must order cake.
And because I can: today while I was changing Char’s poopy diaper she looked down and said “MOMMY! it looks like mud”. Yes, yes it did, different scent though. This morning I asked her if she wanted a banana and she said “Mom that is a GREAT idea!” Wow, I am amazing! Did I tell you that she has taken to calling me Jen and Mark, Mark, in order to get our attention. I often get woken up to JEN! JENNNN! Toddlers say funny shit. She also assembled a little menagerie of bath toys – octopus, whale, frog, fish, and a shoe with a kitty on it, in front of our bedroom door. I assume it was some kind of ritualistic toddler custom that I am not familiar with. I hope I don’t wake up with gills tomorrow.
OH OH! best comment on entry below:

Hahaha..nothing like a big red cock to keep you up at night.
Posted by: teahouseblossom | February 5, 2007 09:27 PM

My feet are freezing and I cannot sleep. That isn’t why I cannot sleep, it is just that in my basement “office” and with the furnace on “night time” it is cold down here. I probably can’t sleep because 1) accidental long nap in the afternoon and 2) some chocolate before bedtime. I should know better. Why don’t a do a big shot of cappuccino before bed? At least the cats are up keeping me company. They are probably wondering where my warm ass is, Benoit likes to sandwich between mine and Mark’s ass for maximum warmth moochage. Jeez, now I have to buy more Valentine chocolate. Everything feels like a mess in the house. There is always something to put away, laundry to do, things to organize, tidy, projects to start, finish, to do lists to be made, itunes to get, favours for people to be accomplished, things to mail, notes to send, photos to print, gifts to buy. Nights like tonight these things plague me. I think I am a wee hypo manic. Still fiddling with drugs. I have an appointment with my endocrinologist this week, the dude who manages my diabetes, and I lost a few pounds because of the flu last week and I am lame enough to be all excited because HE is always impressed with any weight loss because of the insulin resistance, etc. I am trying to tidy up my feet because they get all up in my feet’s grill (if they had grills) to make sure I am taking care of them and I can still feel all the vital parts. They take this pokey filament thing and ask me a million times “can you feel this? this? this? Yes, yes, yes, my feet could detect land mines, they are so sensitive. Dr. Endo always laughs at my shoes because he mostly sees blue hair old people with sensible shoes who (poor souls, soles? ha) have neuropathy in their feet. Diabetes is a bitch. OMG I am rambling. Chocolate and brain chemistry insanity. I am really too cold to continue and I am not even going to put this into paragraphs, if the post even warrants any.
Seacrest Out.

cock

I have just uploaded a pile of photos to flickr of my home and other stuff. Some of it is part of the Honest photography pool. Some of it is some cosmetic renovations we have done in the last couple months, including paint, new windows, drapes, baby ass cream on mirrors, etc. It too me a long time to take these photos, including learning about ISO, and edited out all the lame ones. So, no post for you! Oh, and in case you missed it, I put up a bunch of pre-flickr pics as well.

Photo taken by Amanda of
www.veryzen.com/wordpress/wordpress/. I just got it back from being framed today.
I love her. Seriously. She is an amazing and talented and generous human being we should all have the privilege of knowing.
xo