I am the infrequent poster. Again, I yearn for the days of my regular job when I had more designated time in front of the computer and was less likely to be covered in urine. My throat feels a wee sore. It had better be from clearing my throat and not a cold because I am having a frolic this weekend with my best friend from grade 8. OMG we have known each other 25 years. *dies* I am trying to make sure all the laundry is done since Charlotte pees on 4 pairs of pants every day and that Mark doesn’t subsist on french fries and cornish pasties. I also had to let down the hem on my black pants. Dozed off have you? Well, hmpf.
Vague things I can’t really blog about include some biological familial drama which was stressful and irritating. I wish I could talk about it here, but I have a tiny suspicion someone has the URL and shouldn’t be reading. Sorry to be such a gaybo. I am also concerned about a friend, both in real life and the blog community. Is it tacky to link her? What is the etiquette here? Anyway, concern.
Charlotte starts daycare/play school on Wednesday next week. Should I be in more anguish? You know, wringing of hands and clutching my apron after making pot roast? We spend a lot of time together, certainly 2 short days apart will be good for us right? She is just so cute! I know, its saccharin, but seriously, I want to smooch her and she doesn’t like it and won’t kiss me and won’t tell me why! Maybe it is the letting her steep in her own juices several times a day.
The highlight of my week was getting an awesome silk kimono-like blouse that was $120 for $22. It was so awesome and gave me more pleasure that it probably should. I am sure people are disapproving of me right this minute for my rampant love of consuming stuff at great sale prices! I also got my hair cut and coloured today. Too much grey, too flat and frizzy and blah. I paid more than $20.
Disclaimer. I have items to send to several of you. You know who you are. If you do not yet have your item it is because I have been busy angsting or being lazy or unable to move my arms in any fashion from lifting weights that were really heavy whilst at the gym. I will not forget. I am not the Decider; I am the non-Forgetterer. Oh, and the Infrequent Poster.

I apologize for these types of posts, even though I know it is lame to do so.
1) I have had a non-life threatening tummy bug for almost 3 days. I think it is almost over.
2) I have had con-current anxiety with said bug, and even my medication does not seem to help. My nerves feel frayed and I feel edgy and well, anxious. Anxious and inadequate and mediocre. And scared.
3) We have started charlotte with the potty thing using training pants. This is approach number one, combines with a M&M when the potty is sat upon, 2 M&Ms if she excretes. Nothing in the excretion part yet. We are hoping that the discomfort of wet or pants full of poop will just MAKE her love the potty. We have only done this for one day. I bought 12 pairs. I realized quickly that 6 would NOT do.
4) So, I am anxious. I know being sick makes me feel inadequate, guilty, dumb, and weak. I try to shake that, but there it is. Mark and my Mom have had to “baby sit” me because I couldn’t take care of Charlotte. Can you spell failure? I just feel weak in body and mind.
5) Thank you all a bazillion times for the potty advice. I have read them all, and kept them all and will refer to them as a guide as we continue. This alone is a reason to blog.
6) I miss you.

Ok, the so we have settled on a part-time day care situation for Charlotte. I checked out three different ones in person, called at least 20, talked to all my parental friends and teachers for advice and we are enrolling her in a “Smart Start” Daycare. It was my favourite for lots of reasons, obvious ones like cleanliness, structure, outdoor and indoor play, promising they can do calculus by 5, etc. It seems a wee bit “Ayn Rand School for Tots”, but I am ok with that. Charlotte engaged with the other kids right away. Then I peed myself, and then she got mad for making her leave. The Director said it is common for kids to be all excited about coming and then regress and decide they don’t want other kids all up in their grill or can’t stand the multiplication drills or whatever. We will deal with it. It seems like a really nice friendly and cheery place. She will be going 2 days a week starting in April. I will finally have all the time I want to eat bon bons and watch The Young and the Restless. Charlotte will gradually be socialized and become less like a remora onto ship Mom.
The only other deal is, and the one that is now making my bowels rumble with anxiety, is that Charlotte is not potty trained. Honestly, I say a hearty fuck you, who think I am a bad parent because my kid is not trained and she is three. That said, I really really would appreciate some advice. She is so resistant and the daycare does want her potty trained as soon as possible. They will help, but they usually don’t take non-potty trained 3 year olds. So they say. We can ask her if she needs to pee or poop and she says no. We ask if she wants to sit on the potty, she blandly says “no”. We put her on the potty (the padded Dora seat) on the regular toilet and she shrieks. She used to sit on it, now she screams and I suspect nothing will come of us holding her down on it. She occasionally had a dry night and I have a good idea when she has a bowel movement. APOLOGIES TO PEOPLE WITHOUT KIDS. We got a new low little potty that is colourful and shit, but I haven’t pulled it out yet. She just seems totally apathetic unless we whip out the padded seat. I know she will ultimately give us the excrement when she is ready. I know many people ask for advice, and here I am asking – is there any way I can help her along?
p.s. i am updating links. they are in progress. i know i could just do the “this are my bloglines thingy” but i prefer it this way. for now. so there. i know, i am way old fashioned.

To write a blog post. Actually, I am pretty sure jesus has nothing to do with it. However, my mom and I did agree today that jesus would find farting and fart jokes funny because hell knows there is so much other crap to worry about he probably doesn’t sweat the small shit. This is as far as I can go with my mom theologically speaking. I am too lapsed otherwise. The thought of heavenly fart jokes did give us both a good laugh. Farting is a big theme in our family, probably most families, right?
I am immersed in child care angst. I will decide all tomorrow. I can’t even write about it or my head will explode. I will tell you I am looking at ONE MORE place tomorrow and all will be done. I will keep you posted.
We went back to the gym daycare today (where I worked for a while for those reading along). I am going to try and work one day a week again to pay for my Dom and Blow habit. Charlotte did not have a good day. Loud room, full of noisy kids from 6 months to 5-6 years makes Charlotte a clingy screech monkey that cries and leaves snot all over my left shoulder. It is just too simulating and loud. She is sensitive. I need to respect that, but it is hard. Babies are cute! Why would a 3 year old not like babies? I am hoping the combo of going to the gym more and the day care thing will make her less – attached to my person I guess.
It has also been beautiful here and the snow is almost gone. Weird. From almost 3 feet to slush in a week or so. BUT, it could still snow more, so I am not bringing out the kiddie pool anytime yet. Charlotte LOVES the puddles and I mean who wouldn’t? A good stick, some rubber boots, and sunshine, and the wind is your pillow.
Thanks for the music suggestions; I have been on iTunes browsing and buying things. I might get the iPod version of Hitch-Hikers Guide for the gym. Does this make me lose all book readin’ cred? Also, the huge balls continue to make me giggle. I am seriously never leaving junior high humour.
I had an anecdote about Mark complaining that he should be intimate with compilers and I suggested he sleep with them, but now it doesn’t seem as funny. Nerd humour.
If you haven’t already seen my latest hair-do on flickr, here it is.

I wish I had a Mac solely for Photobooth. My dad bought one and I was “helping” set everything up.

I have been listening to my iPod before going to bed the last couple of nights. Mellow, soft, sad songs. Sure they make me a bit melancholy, but it helps me sleep better than reading. Mark bought me some BOSE noise reduction headphones for Christmas and I love them. It feels like the sound is right in the middle of my head, around my nose, but inside. Those ear buds, Apple or otherwise are really painful for me. Like they are giving my ears blisters. I am so glad the big earphones are back and proud, it is such a better listening experience. ANYHOW. On my play list for sleepy time is a lot of music from the Grey’s Anatomy soundtrack, some cheesy soft rock girly pop songs. Other songs that iTunes has suggested and I actually like. I even stole a few lullabies from Charlotte’s night time play lists. I welcome suggestions that are sleepy worthy without making me want to slit my wrists.
Other things have happened that I haven’t talked about. Family things, not necessarily blog prohibited, but possibly downers. My Uncle S, my dad’s oldest brother at 83, tried to kill himself about 4 weeks ago already. You can stop right now with any “I am sorry’s”. He is still in the hospital and alive and seeming well, but for most of his life he was not a nice man. He was a raging alcoholic and rage-aholic. An angry paranoid man that managed to have 4 children who are doing ok despite having him as a father. We used to phone calls at our house on Christmas or other holiday mornings. He would be drunk and belligerent and have hit his common law wife/girlfriend (who was sainted and didn’t leave and I don’t know why). He would sometimes call in the evenings to call my mother a slut or a whore. I was young and I don’t know all the reasons or contexts, but I did not like him. Once, during a family anniversary or wedding there was a lull in the conversation, Uncle S asks my father LOUDLY “are Jennifer’s REAL parents Polish? She sure is a big girl!”. Point of order: not a big girl at the time, I was 16 and lovely. I left without another word. I didn’t invite him to my wedding. Despite all of this, his health has been ailing and he is aging and my wonderful (apparently no longer whorish) mother has been taking his to medical appointments and looking at residences for him to live out his cranky paranoid years where he can keep his pots and pans under his bed so no one can steal them, so his heart’s content. Then the suicide attempt. Drinking antifreeze, bottles of prescription pills, and we aren’t sure what else. My dad is his executor and has been trying to take care of all those types of details and sold his house for a nice price. His kids have been in town, as none of them live here, but he insists that no one loves him, no one cares and do not let his one son Eddie, in the house as he will steal everything. Eddie is a huge born again christian and would never ever steal, he is a good man. I am sad as he is a member of humanity and I am a humanist, if nothing else, but I am apparently unforgiving and mean. So there, you go, Uncle Stan drama.
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I took Charlotte for her belated 3 year checkup last week. Physically, all good. She wouldn’t let them weigh her or measure her. My doctor: “she looks ok, perhaps tall”. I will be sure to write that down in her baby book. I did ask about her fear or noises, loud, unusual or otherwise. “Mommy, what’s that noise?” Me: “I was blowing my noise peanut”. I am still not convinced that she doesn’t have some sort of sensory disorder which will require years of therapy and rehabilitation (kidding), but her suggestion was more interaction with other children. Apparently sitting around with me most of the time isn’t ideal. I called a pile of small daycares in the city and most don’t take kids part-time. I was hoping to put her in 2 shortish days a week. I found one that looks promising, Mark and I went visiting and she didn’t want to leave. I almost wept in joy. Guess what? The director of said daycare shares cousins with me as her Aunt is Uncle S’s ex wife. Weird. AND, she went to my high school, but graduated a couple of years before me. I am taking it as a sign. I choose to, anyhow. The biggest problem that Charlotte is having is with her dislike of babies and their infernal crying. My babysitter has a one year old that is apparently born of the devil. Charlotte hates it when she cries, touches her, looks at her funny, etc. She is like that with all babies that we have encountered. She seems cool with older kids. Mother of pearl we have to worry about tons of seemingly small yet meaningful shit as parents, especially as a Mom.
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Also, check out the HUGE BALLS on this dog from the Westminster Dog show. Yes, I am 12.

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Buy an infrared remote shutter release for your camera. Less than 30 bucks and it will change your freakin’ life.
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Current favourite song: Billy Bragg, Must I Paint You a Picture.
And ok ok ok, I will read Hitch hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I figured it was just for nerds, but you all have convinced me. Great response to the book meme. Thanks!