August 26, 2007

I am Mentally Challenged

Filed under: Uncategorized — jennifer @ 6:36 pm

My most recent BlogHer post. GO TO Blogher, there are lots of lovely ladies that have more better stuff to say than me.
Perhaps this has just been on my mind a lot lately, but I decided my post this week would be about mental health in Canada. Now how many of us need it or anything *whispering* lots, but more about what treatment is here. Specifically how I get treatment. I spent a lot of time on Google trying to find material comparing the two countries health care systems. Most of the Academic papers I found concluded that more studies needed to be done and “quality” can’t be “quantitative” anyhow. Excellent analysis. I did find one study that said Canadians were way crazy.

When perceived need was controlled for, most of the between country differences in use disappeared. CONCLUSIONS: The higher use of mental health services in the United States than in Ontario is mostly explained by the combination of a higher prevalence of mental morbidity and a higher prevalence of perceived need for care among persons with low mental morbidity in the United States.

- source.
I am obviously no expert. My Bachelor or Arts did not make me a statistician or medical professional. Something did occur to me when reading this study. Could it not be that Canadians don’t have a higher prevalence of mental morbidity, but free or subsidized mental health care? Of course, we also pay less for prescription medication. To see a psychiatrist in Canada is free, it is covered by each provinces health care plan. Mostly I see my psychiatrist for advice regarding my medications or if I am in crisis, I see her. That is how I am maintaining myself right now.
If I wanted to see a “talk therapist” or licensed Psychologist, I would have to pay out of pocket, or use my employer’s “supplementary heath insurance”. I admit I do not have any number on how many employers offer this, but I believe even working part-time at McDonalds here provides some supplementary benefits. You can also get such insurance privately or depending on your income or employment status the government might pay for all your prescriptions.
I am also Type 2 Diabetic and insulin dependent. I was trying to add up how much it would cost me to pay for my diabetic medication and the other meds I am on for the depression, etc etc. The stuff I take for anxiety is one dollar per pill, I take 3 a day. I take another pill for depression that is a dollar fifty a day, I take one. I take three other mental health related medications that I did not have a recent receipt for so I couldn’t give good numbers on those. The diabetic supplies, including insulin, insulin sensitizing medication, hypertension medication, needles to test my blood sugar with, pen needles for insulin I take at meals, one syringe for the insulin I take over night.
While lying in bed last night, I guessed it costs my insurance about $1500 dollars a month to keep me less depressed and less likely to loose a limb or my eyesight due to the neuropathy that often happens with diabetics. We do have to pay the dispensing fee that the Pharmacy charges, which is $7.00. I feel guilt about my high maintenance body and mind. I feel incredibly thankful for the Doctors that my country provides free and the medication I am lucky to procure via employer extended health insurance. They also pay for our dental care, massage, physiotherapy, psychologist visits, acupuncture, and other things I cannot recall, but there is a maximum amount you can spend on such things every year. Before I had my child, my work benefits were even better.
I guess what I wanted to achieve here is a snap shot of what it takes for me to manage, so you would know what I have to do. I am curious about what Americans have to go through in a similar situation, with or without employer insurance, as well and Canadians who do not have extended health benefits. I also wish everyone good health, but that is a given.
meds!

August 24, 2007

Happy Anniversay

Filed under: Uncategorized — jennifer @ 1:09 am

An hour or so ago, Mark and I “had” our tenth anniversary. At the last minute we went out for a quick steak, because my lovely friend Kelly, of Kelly’ Haiku fame, offered to keep my daughter at her house.
Mark and I met while I was working in the Department of Computing Science at the University and he was finishing his PhD. As was teh fashion at the time, after work every Friday, we could go to the local pub and drink a cocktail or two, perhaps 3 or 4 pitchers of lager if you will. After playing the traditional game of “who can most accurately throw pennies down my cleavage”, I went to find Mark who was playing billiards. I had been subtly indicating my desire for courtship for some time, but he was very scholastic in his interests and did not notice. When I found him at the billiard table I (after a decent amount of local beer), indicate my intentions and ask how could not have noticed. Inquiring, “how dumb are you, do I have to lift my petticoats and show you the goods or what?”. He answered back that he “sort of wondered… but…derr.” At first I thought he was toying with my affection, feeling sorry for a single lass with not much of a dowry. We began spending time together, at other local beverage establishments playing rousing games of NTN and eating poultry wings. I finally inquired of his intentions and he indicated his mutual affection for me, but was torn between his academic pursuits or a girl friend. I thought perhaps he was wrong in the head, or just found me a sympathetic creature who’s comforting overuse of four letter words was amusing. Eventually, when I invited him to our family dwelling for Thanksgiving (approximately 3 weeks later), upon driving him home, he finally fucking kissed me. 10 mere years later, 2 felines, a house, an heir, and a new cedar deck and here we are. Happy Anniversary my love. Thank you for taking me for steak an not allowing me to mope in the bedroom like I wanted to.
p.s. Happy five year of having a blog anniversary to me as well. Huzzah!

August 23, 1997

August 19, 2007

when you feel so tired you can’t sleep

Filed under: Uncategorized — jennifer @ 1:24 am

I probably shouldn’t post late at night and sad. I am not sure I know what my boundaries are when I write on the blog. But my beautiful, lovely friend Kelly (who has no blog, but we love her anyhow), sent me this poem last night after catching up on my blog. I wanted to share it with you.

Okay, I just checked out your blog and feel like the worst friend ever! I’m sorry my friend, that you are not feeling well. I thought it would do to have a tangible reminder of what a great human being you are and I call this my verbal hug to you.
My Verbal Hug to You – a Haiku
(I will call it a haiku because I like to make fun of haikus and their stupid-y stupidness)
Jen is fun and smart and witty and sweet
I love to hear her thoughts
She treats me like a golden friend and I never doubt that I am in her thoughts
She shops like a mother fucker and has kick-ass taste
She’s no stranger to a bargain but will cash in when quality counts
She agonizes over Muthahood like we all do
and can make me feel like a supermom for just gettin by some days
She know shit I have no clue about – gardens, GMO, computers, politics
She helps me in any way she can and makes me feel so incredibly lucky to be loved by her
She has secret lesbanim tendencies but that must be why she loves me so good
She can be up at an ungodly hour such as this – 0213- and write genius heart wrenching or sidesplitting prose
She is real and reaches out to all out there who share her struggles and triumphs and can bare all with dignity and grace
She would devastate me if she were to ever be absent from my life
I will try to never piss her off
She has a social and environmental consciousness I have lost since adolescence
and shares a car with hubby – i would die
She is my friend and I hope will be til we are old and gray and keep on talkin about kids and farts and shopping and books and life
Jen is truly a one of a kind, fascinating, kind, sweet, sweet, funny lady
But I wish she didn’t have cats
they make me sneeze
I love her

I love Kelly, I met her 3 years ago now? When I started working part-time at my gym’s child minding centre. She is amazing. She is a nurse, has two kids, always finds time for people, and I know, I know she cares about me. I do not where I would be without my friends. Offline, or on. I am lucky.
My response was thus:
(— snip)
This made me cry. Twice today. I am struggling, but am finding it hard to talk about. Sometimes it feels like it is all I talk about. It is as though I am allowed one big crisis and then it should be wrapped up in a half hour, like a sitcom. I wish this, THIS, these feelings, whatever, could be resolved so quickly. I am angry that I seem to fold in half every once in a while and not know how to get straight. Occasionally it all feels hopeless, as if trying to feel better, function better, is impossible. Like I am so deeply flawed that nothing can fix me to the point of being “okay”. I get so scared sometimes. Like medicine has come so far in treating mental illness, but I can fall so deep and so fast that it feels that there isn’t a rope long enough to get me completely out. I must hang. I hang halfway down the well; no one can quite pull me up. I am heavy, too heavy. Broken record. Even my reaction to myself sometimes is “sad, depressed, whatever, blah blah blah”. I am sick of myself. I have been dueling with some form of “this” since I was 13. Listening or reading about my crap must be like how I feel when I notice a Home Improvement rerun is on. My mental illness = Tim Allen.
(—–snip)
I am sorry blog friends, and off line friends for being Tool Time to your The Office.
xo

August 18, 2007

meeting other blog people is nice

Filed under: Uncategorized — jennifer @ 12:59 am

For chasin’ the blues away. At least for most of the day.
I had a great lunch with MY FRIEND KIM from mommyknows.com and babymarketplace.com. We immediately connected and had a 2+ hours lunch including an assload of diet POP.
She took this photo of us and I think made me skin look luminous. I am going to ask how, because I look like an ivory girl, but fat.
blatantly stolen from mommyknows.
Lunch was a nice mini extension of all the amazing women I was with at blogher. Lunch was also tasty, which is a bonus.
I am going to “sleep” now. I will likely read some Potter first. No, I am not done! I am savouring it. I will miss my little magic friends.

August 16, 2007

What else would I be talking about?

Filed under: Uncategorized — jennifer @ 7:50 pm

I have a little Hotspot up on Alpha+Mom today. Go give the A+mom some love. Isabel Kallman, the mom in the Alpha, is a goddess of epic proportions. I would not shit you.
I review some kick-ass kids shoes. I am now spoiled and will want to custom design ALL of Charlotte’s shoes!
ALPHA+MOM!!!!
I maybe be depressed, but shoes make me feel better.

August 15, 2007

the sad, the depressed, the ugly

Filed under: Uncategorized — jennifer @ 10:34 pm

my cassette tape IS on auto reverse
Check out Aubrey for the inspirational title.
I wish I could be more interesting and not have my blog posts on repeat, but peoples, I am struggling. With the depression, with anxiety, with anger, and sad. The drugs, the doctor, the therapy years and I am still struggling. Recently, I am struggling a lot. Medication change, trying to keep my head above water and not drown in the sad and depressed. Being suddenly overcome with the need to weep. I am just not in one piece. I am not taking a blog break, but I had to say this to you. I try and be funny, funny inspires me, but so does despair. I fear I have rung that topic dry, so we will see what comes up. I have some notes for posts I may work on in the next little while. I have some groovy 1968+ National Geographic gems to share with you. Yes, My psychiatrist makes me wait 2 hours and gives us magazines as old as I to read whilst sitting there.
Having this here blog for almost five years, I just feel like I need to tell you where things are at. Probably more for me than you. A nice diet Orange Crush should help.
xo Jen

August 14, 2007

Hammer don’t Hurt ‘em

Filed under: Uncategorized — jennifer @ 10:30 pm



2 legit, 2 legit 2 quit
, The Reverend MC Hammer. I could google his real name, but. Lazy.
Only a 14 hour drive from Seattle. Ariel.
If you drove for one solid day, you could make it, Erin.
There are two direct flights from both San Francisco and Chicago to Edmonton, everyday. You know who you are.
We have already missed: Loverboy, Burton Cummings, Don McLean, and Timbaland!!!

This is the “casino” where Mark goes once in a while to play poker.
ONLY TWENTY BUCKS! I will buy!
AND OMG Trooper!!! wow.

August 13, 2007

The debate rages on

Filed under: Uncategorized — jennifer @ 10:45 pm

POP VERSUS SODA!!
visually, you need the latest flash plugin, i think.
here is a screen capture

It’s hard out there to re-pimp

Filed under: Uncategorized — jennifer @ 2:47 pm

Most recent Blogher entry, cross posted here peeps! I like my coffee crisp, and other Canadian oddities.
Hey y’all. I am trying to incorporate more American colloquialisms into my everyday so as to keep the masses guessing. What do most Americans say to punctuate a sentence at the end, if not “eh”? “That was quite a thunderstorm…. ummmm….pause….EH?” My husband wants me to quit saying “eh” so that Charlotte (our child) won’t say it. As if it is the pariah of words. It isn’t like she is dropping the F bomb all over the place.
I wanted to write a little bit about what it feels like to be a sort of foreigner in a sort of foreign land. This year I have been in San Francisco, Las Vegas, and Chicago for Blogher 07! YAY. Ahem. I think most Americans think of Canadians as being more or less the same as Americans. In a similar way, most Canadians like to think there is a tiny but huge difference between us. It is little things. Everyone once in a while I would think of one. Like; I wonder if my cab driver has a gun, is that common, what is the percentage of Americans who have guns, must Google that. I have never seen a gun up close. I don’t think they get Red Rose tea down here, wow, and no Coffee Crisps . Wait! Wikipedia says is orange pekoe tea is said to be made from only the top two leaves of eachtea plant sprig, thus ensuring the best quality. Red Rose’s old commercials introduced the catchphrase, “Only in Canada, you say? Pity….” However, the tea has been available in the United States since the 1920s. Hmpf. I had been running with that one for YEARS! Embarrassing! I know Belinda from Ketchup flavoured potato chips. to Blogher. They are kind of a delicate packing item. Perhaps the next time I have a huge pox of foam peanuts I will send her some.
I found this handy chart for Americans on how to understand Canadian Provinces:
British Columbia = California + Oregon
Alberta = Texas + Wyoming
Saskatchewan = North North Dakota
Manitoba = Minnesota + Iowa
Ontario = New York + Michigan
Quebec = New York + France
New Brunswick = Maine without the overcrowding
Nova Scotia = Massachusetts without the overcrowding
Prince Edward Island = Delaware
Newfoundland = Maine + Iceland

source: http://www.favreau.info/misc/canadavsusa.php
I won’t say I agree with all of it, but it gave me a laugh. I live in Alberta for the record, oil rich, almost no unemployment, high real estate prices, conservative government, a few people want to separate from Canada and make mattresses out of out oil money. Oh, and one more thing, only about 30% of Canadians speak French. I could find the bathroom and order a meal, but everything else would involve pointing and charades.
I am learning as I write this piece as well. I found a really interesting poll, done in 1997, so a wee bit older that talks about some other differences between us in terms of voting.

» For Canadians, jobs are the most important national issue; for Americans, it is international affairs. (In Quebec, the level of concern about jobs and the economy was far greater than the rest of Canada and indeed the highest of any region in North America.)
» As their number 1 objective, Canadians chose building the economy; Americans opted for promoting the family.
» Decided voters in Canada are roughly equally motivated by liking their candidate or party and their dislike of the alternative; most Americans really prefer the candidate they support, and what they think of his opponent has less influence.
» Significantly more Americans say they go to church, pray and read the Bible than Canadians.
» More than twice as many Americans say religion influences their political thinking.

Source: The Canadian Encyclopedia
I am very interested in American politics, most Canadians are. We get most of our television from the States, every major network affiliate, and as a Canadian blogger, I read a lot about American politics, there are just more of you than us. I also love me some Jon Stewart. This poll really pointed out to me how much religion is a factor in voting.
The more I read, the more I realize I could do a billion part series in this vein. Maybe later. I will leave you with a commentary by
While we are in Canada, well metaphorically we are since you are reading me; I would be remiss if I didn’t give some lines to
BlogHers ACT: Canada. They are spending their next 12 months focusing on the environment as voted on by other Canadian BlogHers ACT-ing.
I am still trying to put my particular finger on how we differ. At the Blogher conference of 800 people, most of them American, I felt very comfortable. Comfortable, yet different. I don’t think it is just all the hockey and maple syrup.
A refresher for those who I met at the conference who either graciously admitted they know very little about Canadian geography or thought the .ca on my domain met California, this is where I live.

URGENT NEWS ALERT

Filed under: Uncategorized — jennifer @ 1:25 am

I just saw on television that the possible side effects of a new sleeping pill could be drowsiness!
Stop the presses
and here is my dude lookin’ fly .
baby daddy
a few flickies on flickr….

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